Argh, acne.

As any normal teenager spots become a common thing…But acne, acne is different and my god don’t it make you feel awful.

Many people tell me “Its just your teenage years, it’ll clear up.” Or the most common comment is “Just stop wearing makeup, thats your problem!”  Stop wearing makeup? You mean go out with big, red, angry monsters on my face? No thank you.

I extremely respect the girls who can openly face the world with their acne, especially if its really bad. But me, no, never will I gain the confidence to attend college or go shopping with not one thing on my face that at least covers the redness; I just can’t do it, I mean, okay some days it isn’t so bad, but when its bad, gosh, its bad!

Am I the only one who gets brought to tears with the sight of these nasty things? Am I the only one that has taken days out of college just because they can’t face going out with it or even attempt covering it up? No? Just me?

I have tried so much, so much products from different makeup to different cleansing face wash to even doctor recommended brands, but nothing… I’m still here with my big angry monsters and I hate it. I’ve watched youtube tutorials of girls giving other girls advice; I came across one, she said. “You just need to accept it, go out and let it all breath, accept you have acne” ACCEPT THAT I HAVE ACNE? GO OUT AND LET IT BREATH? Excuse me, why don’t you take in that some girls just can’t physically do that? That some girls can’t build that kind of confidence? Sometimes a girl depends on makeup for how it makes HER feel, because it makes HER feel beautiful, and in my case, I’m that girl.

I’m tired of people telling me “just stop with the makeup” because I won’t do it, I will do everything else in my power to calm and get rid of this acne, but facing the world with it, thats just something I’m not prepared to do. I have people who I feel comfortable around and they will be the people I let my face breath around. But walking into a place thats full of judgemental bullies and stuck up girls who contour every inch of their face is something that I know many girls wouldn’t do.

So, yes, fight for your acne to disappear because one day it will! But don’t ever feel pushed into facing the world with something you are not comfortable with. You wanna cover your face in makeup because it makes you feel more beautiful? Go for it girl! Don’t let someone keep blaming your acne on you going out with makeup on because I know that behind closed doors you are trying every little thing to help your acne go down, so don’t you listen to these judgemental divs. Your beautiful however you address yourself, acne or no acne.

WE WILL GET RID OF THESE TWATS TOGETHER! WOO.

Valentines.

Valentines day? What a pressured kind of day. Where we are pressured into buying soppy gifts or arranging the best kind of day for our loved ones.  When in reality valentines day is a day where couples feel happy about themselves and single/unhappy couples just feel, well, crappy about themselves.

Why do flowers and chocolates need to be presented to our other half to show passion and romance? Shouldn’t those two key words be something that comes naturally in the relationship? Or has society really gotten this bad in making us believe that one day should define all our affection for one another?

Now don’t get me wrong, yes, even I get excited over valentines day. When maybe my boyfriends right? Its just a damned day! I shouldn’t need to show MORE love on just a made up day.

Now saying all this, yes, yes I will always say “Happy Valentines day” and the little date you go on, but without the sentence that’s our normal kind of day out? We’ve just added a passionate sentence to show we’ve acknowledged what the day is.

What I’m trying to say is that, don’t go out and beyond for ONE day. Why not once a week? Why not every Sunday? One day should never define how much you love someone. And if you think that one day should define all this then that means you should get off your arse and show your girlfriend/boyfriend MORE LOVE.

Part Timers!

From the ages 16 to around 18, we get stuck in that terrible part time job! But we need the money so we stick to it, we stick through the disrespect from customers and even managers!

But am I the only one that believes us teens get disrespected within a part time job just because we are part timers? Just because we are young? The bosses/managers of your work place know that the only reason you are staying there is because of the money! We only gain, what £3 something an hour? £3 an hour of disrespect!

This is another crucial part of growing up, this is what our parents push us into as soon as its your 16th birthday! “You can go out and get a part time job now!” “You can earn your own money now!” well thanks for the Happy 16th mum and dad!

Our parents will never understand some of the struggles teenagers in our days go through now, it always leads back to that dreaded “well, when I was your age…” But your not my age, and quite frankly you don’t know half of the crap us teenagers have to go through.

The worst thing about a part time job is the customers! “Hiya Sir, do you need any help?” *man walks away with a disgusted look on his face* What happened to ‘No thank you’ !! Being a young girl in the workplace some how gives older men the ability to confront us? To discriminate us just because we are a young girl trying to get through a days work. One time, a man backed me into a corner not letting me move away…THATS NOT OKAY. Since when would that ever be okay? But because I’m a young girl, people let it slide, people don’t see how bad or scary that could be for me; because I’m only a young girl working in a part time job that no one gives a damn about.

ALL YOU PART TIMERS, GO KICK SOME RETAIL BUTT!

That dreaded feeling.

Sticking with the emotions of my blog (DEPRESSING) here comes another subject that causes emotional stress.

You know that dreaded feeling you begin to get when you involve yourself in an heated argument with your partner? That ball at the back of your throat where you desperately try to fight back your tears because it’s not that “deep”.

Conflict in relationships is what keeps it alive right? But why does it hurt so much? If it’s meant to keep the flame alive between the two, why does it cause pain? In fairness, yes what is a relationship without arguments, if your not getting sick of each other at any point then your not in the relationship for the right reasons.

But my point of view – being in a relationship for so long at such a young age, does cause petty arguments. Arguments about who said what, untidiness, being in the way, distracting each other when we are doing something we like and being ungrateful for the little things we do for each other. See when we argue, one needs the space and time apart whereas the other needs attention…needs to be fought for. The day we begin to stop bothering to argue back is the day feelings begin to fade, but when one person is fighting for it to be resolved and the other just wants space, there is no winning! What happened to the days when the passion was so strong that each of you couldn’t stand to argue with each other, felt sick to your stomach when you knew they are about to go to bed distraught? I guess, I guess relationships are not always fair, you need to learn to expand and accept the way your partner handles things; me being so young means I still have so much to learn, which I need to take in and view as a positive thing. But what I do know, if you love someone with all your heart and soul you don’t let them forget it, whether that makes you clingy or annoying you do not let the one you love think they’re not as loved as they truly are; otherwise what are you doing in that relationship?

Body Image.

Yes, what another very cliche topic to talk about…but another issue I’m willing to publish.

Anorexia doesn’t get the awareness it needs; people see it as a cry for attention, okay I agree, someone battling anorexia doesn’t need to post about it on social media expressing how bad they hate themselves and how they will not eat that day…to me, that is attention seeking but again maybe thats their way of getting through that day with that monster?

But me? I denied being anorexic for years. It started in year 6, I wasn’t seeing myself how others saw me…boys would call me petty names as well as talking about my teeth. “Chubs” “You can’t run because your fat” “How can you be flat chested but chubby?” such silly names that to this day I still haven’t told the closest people to me on how serious the name calling was.

I stopped eating, only drinking water…maybe 4 glasses a day? The longest I went without eating was 3 days…I hated myself for that, Why couldn’t I just ignore food for a week? I blamed and punished myself for being hungry after 3 whole days of just water and occasionally juice. My mum noticed as I began to fall ill, I looked like death, it was scary, it felt scary…but I couldn’t stop. My energy was so low, getting to primary school became a struggle, I was just sleeping constantly. I can still see that look on my mums face, as if I was dying, but inside I was…I was killing my insides and I was only 10, 10!? It was ridiculous…doctors gave me too much medication, I had books that I had to write what I had eaten in, what I had drunk and how much… I was under constant watch, as well as feeling trapped in myself, I now felt trapped at home.

But year 7, big school; it started to ease. I ate more and was no longer needing medication…I felt better but still keeping little habits with me. I was lucky to get it noticed when I did or it wouldn’t have been so easy to get out of. As I say that…I fell back down the same hole in year 9 and 10…but this time I was in huge denial! I started doing my makeup in the dark, avoiding mirrors when I was getting changed, I reduced my eating again but being afraid my mum might find out I had to think of something different. I turned to making myself sick…I would eat everything on my plate and head straight up to the bathroom to use the “toilet”. I did this for a good 6 months…I stopped feeling hungry, I lost the sensation of being hungry. My boyfriend noticed and he couldn’t understand why…I wasn’t pretty, I didn’t have curves or even a thigh gab! BUT THATS BECAUSE IT WASN’T POSSIBLE.

Being in denial doesn’t help, admitting that something is wrong is how you beat it. All these magazines with photoshopped models are not what young girls need to aspire too! Not everyone can be skinny, having curves and big thighs is hot too!… If I knew what I know now when I was that 10 year old girl, I would know that you can’t adjust your body to fit what your peers want you to be, people who love you will love you the way you come. But if they don’t? Well, leave them!