Yes, what another very cliche topic to talk about…but another issue I’m willing to publish.
Anorexia doesn’t get the awareness it needs; people see it as a cry for attention, okay I agree, someone battling anorexia doesn’t need to post about it on social media expressing how bad they hate themselves and how they will not eat that day…to me, that is attention seeking but again maybe thats their way of getting through that day with that monster?
But me? I denied being anorexic for years. It started in year 6, I wasn’t seeing myself how others saw me…boys would call me petty names as well as talking about my teeth. “Chubs” “You can’t run because your fat” “How can you be flat chested but chubby?” such silly names that to this day I still haven’t told the closest people to me on how serious the name calling was.
I stopped eating, only drinking water…maybe 4 glasses a day? The longest I went without eating was 3 days…I hated myself for that, Why couldn’t I just ignore food for a week? I blamed and punished myself for being hungry after 3 whole days of just water and occasionally juice. My mum noticed as I began to fall ill, I looked like death, it was scary, it felt scary…but I couldn’t stop. My energy was so low, getting to primary school became a struggle, I was just sleeping constantly. I can still see that look on my mums face, as if I was dying, but inside I was…I was killing my insides and I was only 10, 10!? It was ridiculous…doctors gave me too much medication, I had books that I had to write what I had eaten in, what I had drunk and how much… I was under constant watch, as well as feeling trapped in myself, I now felt trapped at home.
But year 7, big school; it started to ease. I ate more and was no longer needing medication…I felt better but still keeping little habits with me. I was lucky to get it noticed when I did or it wouldn’t have been so easy to get out of. As I say that…I fell back down the same hole in year 9 and 10…but this time I was in huge denial! I started doing my makeup in the dark, avoiding mirrors when I was getting changed, I reduced my eating again but being afraid my mum might find out I had to think of something different. I turned to making myself sick…I would eat everything on my plate and head straight up to the bathroom to use the “toilet”. I did this for a good 6 months…I stopped feeling hungry, I lost the sensation of being hungry. My boyfriend noticed and he couldn’t understand why…I wasn’t pretty, I didn’t have curves or even a thigh gab! BUT THATS BECAUSE IT WASN’T POSSIBLE.
Being in denial doesn’t help, admitting that something is wrong is how you beat it. All these magazines with photoshopped models are not what young girls need to aspire too! Not everyone can be skinny, having curves and big thighs is hot too!… If I knew what I know now when I was that 10 year old girl, I would know that you can’t adjust your body to fit what your peers want you to be, people who love you will love you the way you come. But if they don’t? Well, leave them!